Do ya think so?

*ahem*

This is just the past 4 days. Here's a teaser:
- I accidentally became a felon
- I got slapped by a woman
- I threw both myself and a girl onto the pavement on a busy street
- I was molested by both a cute Korean girl and an old Russian man (separately)
- I am becoming very good at darts
- I kinda accidentally bled on a girl that I like

Way cool, right?

Our story begins on a Saturday evening. My friend Neil from Chicago came over around 6 PM after I had spent a bothersome morning-after with Megan, a 29-year old Korean English teacher. Her English is quite poor, which leads me to believe that her students must be learning some broken English the likes have not been spoken since some poorly dubbed Kung Fu film. Neil brings over a case of Tsing Tao, which is decent Chinese beer, something that is not so easy to find here in Korea (or maybe I'm just not looking hard enough). We proceed to drink the beer and play GoW2 until our eyes bleed, or until Gerald aka Big Baby (I am New Baby, because I'm from New York. Get it?) arrives at mi casa around 9 PM. We drink all but two of the beers and leave my apartment in search of a cab. But first, we need to procure some beer for the cab ride, because you can do that here in Korea, even in the front seat, which is awesomely amazing.

We walk into the GS25 that is close to where we drink most nights. It is cold, so I am wearing a scarf over my face and warm hat on my head. While talking to Neil, it suddenly occurs to me that I am going to be fatigued in a few hours, so I decide to thwart my sleep and grab a Starbucks Double Shot. Without thinking, I slip it into my pocket so that I can carry four beers (someone was going to drink 2 during the 15-minute cab ride, right?) and walk to the counter. While still discussing something most certainly of the academic nature with Neil, I pay for the four beers..........and walk out of the store.

During the 20-foot walk to the cab that Gerald has hailed, Neil interrupts me:
"Did you pay for that?"
"Yea, you saw me pay," I boast as I hand him one of the 12-ounce cans of Hite.
"No." He pokes my jacket pocket. "That."

I stop. I suddenly recall putting the can in my pocket, yet not taking it out at the counter like I had planned on doing. Now I know there are a number of cameras in that store. And I know that Technovalley is very small in population. And this GS25 isn't exactly a Wal-Mart or a CostCo. But as luck would have it, I reason while in the cab, my face and head were completely concealed. SO I'm off the hook, right? (so far, so good)

I spend the entire cab ride being belittled and ridiculed by Gerald and Neil, trying to defend my senseless behavior against their raucous guffawing and insults.

We arrive at Sponge. I was supposed to tell Megan what I was going to do and where I was going to do it. Because I did not want to see her again, I neglected to inform her of anything, let alone the what and where. As karma would have it, she is at Sponge! Hooray!

We go to the dart boards, which is where we typically hang out at Sponge, and begin playing. I am obligated to greet Megan in a apologetic manner, which I do. She is with some friends, whom I say hi to as well. She does not seem too upset that I did not call her, and I figure that we are both going to mind our own business at the bar. Time passes, beers, Neil buys shots, Gerald loses game after game of darts to me and buys me beer (NICE), at which point Tanya appears. She is a very cute, English-fluent Korean girl who I get the feeling is actually Korean-American. I get her name before she starts making out with me. It is very difficult to throw darts in this position, especially when she prefers that my hand stay forcibly glued to her butt. I excuse myself from the game for a minute and go with the flow, ya know?

I feel a tap on my shoulder. It is Megan. She is visibly upset. I get out a few confused words before she SLAPS me across the face. I can happily say now that I can take a slap like that without even blinking. I apologize profusely because I imagine that is what she wanted to hear, although I don't feel apologetic in the slightest. She tells me never to call her again, and I delete her number. She was a nice girl, but she talked a LOT, and I was never meant to be with a girl that talks all the time. Mostly because that is clearly my job.

Sadly, Tanya has disappeared. But don't fear, campers, because I got her number and plans are in motion! I see this as a plus, really. Tanya is better looking, younger, and seems to like the things I do: drinking and kissing.

Sunday passes by without much of anything. I stay at home and watch movies.

Monday goes by smoothly, work is fun and one cute little girl slips me some chocolate. I think she's trying to bribe me, because her class participation is weak. I should regulate HARD.

Tuesday comes. I spend a quick and fun day teaching some of my favorite, and least favorite students. I beat one of my students for failing a test haha just kidding. But I do demand that he give me a bunch of ring tones on my phone. He can't figure it out, so I pick him up and swing him around the room. Don't worry, they love it.

After work, I go to dinner with Kristyna, whom I haven't seen very much of since she began dating Allan, my friend. We go back to my place to drink beer while she watches me play F.E.A.R. 2, a terrifying thriller of an FPS. She claims she will have nightmares. I'll soon kill Alma...

Luke calls around 10:20, asking if I want to go to Doonsandong to meet Sunny and her friend. I decide it's been two uneventful evenings in a row, so why not go out for a drink or two.

FORGOT TO ADD THIS:
Luke and I

A drink or two turns into several bottles of soju and beer, and while walking to Sponge from the restaurant, we decide to have a piggy-back race. Luke is in the lead, but I get up the energy and take the lead! I don't know how close behind me he is, so I tell her, on the count of three, to move higher up on my back. At the precise moment that she elevates herself on my back, my foot encounters a speed bump. The combination of the sudden added weight on my upper back and the elevation of the ground is very bad, and I take four wheeling steps before throwing the both of us into a busy intersection. She gets up immediately, and I lie there in shame. Thank god it's Tuesday and not Saturday, I'm thinking. She is ashamed, and I'm worried that now she's just going to think about how fat she is (she was talking about it before we started the race).

TO BE CONTINUATED...