Dear people in New York who forget how to walk

Quick tutorial: left, right, left, right.

That's not my only point, though. The reason I feel I need to remind you how to walk is because sometimes you abruptly stop moving. Normally wherever you are, this isn't a problem. If you're casually strolling in the woods, abruptly stop all you like. You can abruptly stop all the live-long day.

But if you're in New York City, where the streets are full of people -- angry, hateful, violent people -- then you need to remember that to stop in the middle of the sidewalk is to invite your own death upon your skull. It's a good thing New Yorkers like myself are agile, or I would've walked into many a dumb mother fucker by now.

What you should learn from this: If you ever feel the need to abruptly stop, for whatever reason (that you can't do these while moving): make a phone call, pick a wedgie, light a cigarette -- move to either side of the sidewalk, out of the way, and stand still for as long as you want.

In other news: Jumped through the first hoop with my current business venture. Waiting to see if my landing was acceptable.